Calvary Road Baptist Church
“ADVICE TO A SINGLE
Proposition # 7
embrace your Savior, and like your pastor.”
Second Corinthians 6.15
Some years back, when I was at my first
pastorate, a guy in the church I pastored left the church and the town we lived
in to work a job elsewhere. When I dropped by her office to see how his wife
and kids were doing in his absence, his wife very pointedly commented how
impressive her husband had begun to behave during his brief visits home after
his prolonged absence. She went on to describe how masculine he had become, how
“take charge” he conducted himself, and then she added, “I think my husband’s
behavior has improved because he is no longer under your ministry, pastor.” I
answered her, “I sure hope you are right, because the alternative explanation
would be that his marked improvement was the result of not being around you.”
Sadly, when circumstances brought them
together again, it became very obvious that his issues were far more related to
his wife’s influence on him than his pastor’s influence on him, with her going
so far as to threaten to leave him if he did not permanently remove himself
from the church I pastored.
That and many other examples I could cite
to you are reasons for this evening’s message, and the seventh proposition:
“Consider no woman for marriage who does
not love your God, embrace your Savior, and like your pastor.”
First, CONSIDER NO WOMAN FOR MARRIAGE WHO
DOES NOT LOVE YOUR GOD
What kind of man would entertain any
delusions about marrying a woman who did not love his God? After all, love of
God is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22.37-38: “Jesus said
unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy
soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.”
Consider what happens when a man marries
a woman. According to Moses, two people actually become one flesh when they
marry. Genesis 2.24 reads, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and
his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” As well, the very first description of
the relationship that is supposed to exist between a husband and his wife,
found in Genesis 2.18, where Moses records the words spoken by the LORD God: “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man
should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Therefore, when a man marries a woman, they two
individuals become a unity of flesh in some way, with the wife in the
relationship occupying a supporting role, and helping role. That woman’s responsibility
in the functional hierarchy that is established when a man and a woman marry is
to help that man.
How is that possible when a Christian man
marries a woman who is not a Christian? How is it that a believer who is
labeled in the Bible as a friend of God marries a woman who by virtue of her
lost condition is labeled by the Apostle Paul an enemy of God and anything
other than disaster takes place as a result? How can a man traveling to
I know there are some foolish boys who
think they can handle the chemistry of being a Christian who is physically
attracted to an unsaved woman, assuring themselves that nothing bad will come
of it, but anyone who thinks like that can only be a boy (no matter his age). After
all, keep in mind what happened to the man with the most experience with women
of any many who ever lived, Solomon. We are told in First Kings 3.3, when
Solomon first became king and was still a young man, “And Solomon loved
the LORD, walking in the statutes of David
his father.” Solomon was a most
impressive fellow, according to First Kings 4.30: “And Solomon’s wisdom
excelled the wisdom of all the children of the east country, and all the wisdom
of
9 And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart
was turned from the LORD God of
10 And had
commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods:
but he kept not that which the LORD
commanded.
What happened? Women. Solomon forgot what
his mother tried to teach him when he was a lad: “Give not thy strength
unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.”[1] And he ignored the lessons rehearsed to
him by his father. What disloyalty to even consider for marriage any woman who
does not love your God. And how can you know a woman does not love your God? Easy.
Does she go to church, read her Bible, pray, tithe, witness, and otherwise
demonstrate the obedience to God’s will, God’s Word, and God’s church that bespeaks
love? As Second John 6 declares, “And this is love, that we walk after
his commandments.”
Next, CONSIDER NO WOMAN FOR MARRIAGE WHO
DOES NOT EMBRACE YOUR SAVIOR
When I make mention of embracing Jesus, I
speak of someone whose trust is in Jesus, whose life is caught up in Jesus, who
finds Jesus to be her all in all. The writer to the Hebrews described embracing
Jesus in Hebrews 12.2: “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our
faith.” My goodness, man, how can a
man marry a woman he cannot embrace with the full knowledge that they two know
Jesus as the author and finisher of our faith. If she is not a
believer it is not our faith! It is your faith, but not her
faith!
The Apostle Paul dealt with this same
issue in his second letter to the Corinthian congregation. Just about everyone
who has picked up a Bible is familiar with Second Corinthians 6.14: “Be
ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath
righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with
darkness?” The question, of course,
is how do you answer Paul’s questions? What fellowship does righteousness have
with unrighteousness? What communion does light have with darkness?
Then there is Second Corinthians 6.15,
which is not nearly as well known, but just as troublesome for the guy who is
toying with the idea of marrying a lost woman, and thinks he is somehow not on
thin ice by keeping company with a lost woman: “And what concord hath
Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?” How are these questions to be answered?
And how about Second Corinthians 6.16? “And
what agreement hath the
As you can see, there is only one answer
for the man who does not abandon his profession of being a Christian, Second Corinthians
6.17-18: “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith
the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And
will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the
Lord Almighty.”
Finally, CONSIDER NO WOMAN FOR MARRIAGE
WHO DOES NOT LIKE YOUR PASTOR
To be sure, this would be described by
many people as entirely self serving. However, I would like you to hear me out.
Is it not true that God’s plan for your
life in marriage is for you, sir, to be the spiritual leader and your wife to
follow your lead and be a help to you as you serve God? Yes, we see that in
Genesis 2.18 and in First Peter 3.1, where it is written, “Likewise, ye
wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the
word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.”
Turning to Hebrews 13.7 and 17, we read,
“Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you
the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their
conversation,” and “Obey
them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for
your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and
not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.”
Do you see a woman who claims to love
God, and who pretends to embrace Jesus, but who has her teeth set on edge by
your pastor really helping you serve God, or working on you to get you out of
your church? After all, is it your wife’s job to come into your life and
rearrange your spiritual furniture so that you become discontent with your
pastor, disillusioned with your church, and looking for greener grass
elsewhere? Does God work that way in a man’s life? No, He does not.
It has been my experience over the
decades of my ministry that the number one problem I have with men in my
ministry is a refusal to function as the spiritual leaders in their homes, and
the number one problem I have with women in my ministry is an unwillingness to
submit to the influences that will encourage their husbands to be the spiritual
leaders in their homes. Thus, you can mark it down that when sweetie pie has an
issue with your pastor, it may very well be related to her not wanting you to
function as a spiritual leader in your marriage.
I will not capitulate with respect to
this matter of the functional hierarchy in the home so long as I am the pastor
of this church. It is God’s plan for marriage, and it is the key to raising
children who are not weirded out and confused about gender roles.
The men in our church who stay and faithfully serve God will stay because they are men. The women who stay and faithfully serve God are women who truly are women who want men to be real men.
Question? Comment?
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