Calvary Road Baptist Church
“A SPIRITUAL FATHER”
First Corinthians 4.15; Philemon 10
I want to bring some issues before you this morning, some that are both obvious and invisible. Several years ago, Elon Musk was asked what he thought was the human race’s most immediate threat. His response was surprising to many: “Population collapse.”
Overlooked as one of the most impactful developments of the past century, the availability of birth control pills and devices has loomed large in the thinking of most Westerners in an unsuspected way. Along with birth control is, of course, abortion on demand. Thus, sex without consequences has, for the most part, been achieved in developed countries. Sex can either be engaged in without concern for pregnancy, in the case of women who do not want to bear children by the man or men they have sex with, or for those who are too lazy to take a pill every day; there is the availability of the murder of the unborn.
However, that is only one side of a complex equation, populated by those who possess the potential, realized or unrealized, of becoming mothers. The other side of the complex equation is inhabited by men, those who have the possibility of becoming fathers.
The subject of fathers and fatherhood is quite interesting in the Bible, with father and fathers referred to in more than 1,600 verses, while mother and mothers are mentioned less than 300 times. Yet fatherhood is a topic not frequently thought about these days, at least not thought about deeply, and practiced well even more rarely.
How many people give much thought to the First Person of the Triune Godhead being the Father? When God crafted the human mind with the ability to use words for communication, and when He fashioned language to give to humanity, He designated Himself, the First Person of the Godhead, the Father. There is significance in that.
Then, after God established the biological pattern for human sexual reproduction, He prescribed that a son should leave his father and mother to cleave unto his wife. That is the normal, though not universal, pattern. Wrapped up in that verbal imagery is the process by which a wife would sometimes become pregnant and bear a child, only to repeat the process.
What seems to have been lost to us, at least in the developed countries of the West, with increased secularization and a distancing of the mind and heart from real notions of living for, loving, and serving God, is a grasp of the implications of God's Fatherhood and a grasp of the intended role that fathers are supposed to play in families and in the lives of their children, in congregations, and in the lives of individual Christians.
I have been a believer for more than half a century and engaged in pastoral ministry for more than forty-five years. During that time, I intended to observe what was of interest to me: individual believers, family dynamics, and congregational life. It has not been lost on me that God chastises those He loves, and yet so many guys think they are good fathers who seem to never (or seldom) chastise the children they profess to love.
During that time, I noticed and concluded in my nonscientific approach that men are profoundly resistant to change and that a woman committed to changing the man she marries can only accomplish her goal using a combination of manipulation, intimidation, and wrong usurping his authority as a man and as a husband. So many women engage in that irresponsible and destructive behavior without concern for the damage they cause by doing so.
Yet it happens all the time. In our day of rampant and demonic feminism, the great majority of women and wives actually believe it is proper to impose their wills on their husbands. They do not see their role as a God-given submission to their husband’s authority, and so many see men in general as little more than big boys to be mothered rather wifed.
On the other hand, how rapidly most manly men willingly and eagerly lean into change and personal growth for the sake of their children. Though the notion that men are not changed by marriage but are changed by fatherhood can be challenging and seen as offensive to many wives, it is actually complimentary when properly understood.
Husbands frequently see their wives as competent adults who are wonderfully capable, while no child born into the family is capable or competent. It is for the child’s sake that the husband, now father, will lean into the changes that are needed to benefit his offspring, which only the most insecure and narcissistic of mothers would take issue with. And when guided by God’s Word, a man who is husband and now father is transformed.
How radically different is God’s will for families, congregations, and individual Christians’ growth in grace and the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ than is usually perceived in our culture, especially by selfish wives compared to selfless mothers? Let me speak about the matter of fatherhood this morning in a very general way.
First, GOD’S PATTERN OF FATHERHOOD FOR THE NUCLEAR FAMILY
What thoughtful person would deny that it is one thing for a boy to grow to physical maturity but quite another thing for that boy to reach manhood, which is quite another thing? Let me illustrate with two examples: First, Ulysses S. Grant, the commanding general of the northern forces in the American Civil War and the 18th president of the United States. Though he did not have to, he chose to work the family’s fifty acres of farmland from age eleven to seventeen, clearing the land of trees, planting and plowing, tending to livestock, buying and selling, and going on vacations while continuing in school.[1] How was Ulysses S. Grant not a man at such a young age and accepted by men as a man? Next was my maternal grandfather, John A. Conner, who was not educated past third grade because he quit school to become the sole provider for his mother and younger siblings by the time he was nine years old. He bought and sold cattle and horses and farmed 120 acres. How was he not a man at so young an age and was accepted as a man by the men who knew him?
While it is one thing for a boy to grow to adulthood and another thing to become a man in the sight of men, it is another thing to become a husband. Some guys imagine themselves to be men because they have fornicated with women. Not so. Other guys imagine themselves to be men because they have married. Not so. It is one thing for a boy to become a man and another for someone to marry. It is best for all when someone is a man when he marries. But it is often the case that a guy marries and grows up to become a man after he has become a husband. It is better to be a man who marries, but it can sometimes happen that an overgrown child marries and then grows into manhood after he becomes a husband. Some guys never become men, such as those who have just come to your mind.
Then there is fatherhood. God’s ideal is for a boy to reach manhood, become a husband, and finally, a father. Things happen when manhood is reached that boys do not comprehend. Things happen when a man marries that unmarried men do not grasp. When a married man becomes a father, significant changes can occur to him and all his relationships. What spiritual completeness is present when a Christian boy becomes a Christian man, a Christian man becomes a Christian husband, and a Christian husband becomes a Christian father. There are duties, obligations, and responsibilities felt by the Christian man who is married and becomes a father that is incomprehensible to those who are not and to even Christian wives and mothers. Consider First Thessalonians 2.10-12, a repeated passage we have dealt with. The Christian father is to exemplify holiness, justice, and unblameableness in the site of his children and others as he exhorts, comforts, and charges his children. His goal? For his children to walk worthy of God. And this passage is merely the most concisely stated of a Christian father’s role in his children’s lives. Add to that his role of provider, protector, and punisher of foolish and rebellious conduct. The problem is that good fathering begets good fathering while poor fathering begets poorer fathering.
Next, GOD’S PATTERN OF FATHERHOOD FOR THE CONGREGATION
I did not grow up in a Christian home, and my dad did not shoulder his responsibilities as a husband and father. So, where and how was I to learn important truths related to manhood, being a husband, and fatherhood?
My experiences as a new convert come to faith in Christ without knowing much of anything were in no way unique. Such has been the case throughout most of Christian history. Very few of our Church members were blessed with godly moms and dads growing up, and some were cursed with wicked moms and dads, some of whom posed as Christians.
Since the early days of Christianity, when Jewish believers were first forced out of Jerusalem by persecution and scattered to predominately Gentile regions, so many came to faith in Christ without ever experiencing anything like a Christian home life or parents who raised them properly.
What was the experience of a pagan slave coming to Christ in Corinth, Ephesus, Philippi, or Thessalonica? Dead in trespasses and sins before coming to Christ, new Gentile believers quickly came to understand that they understood nothing about anything. They must stop getting drunk, having sex with women they were not married to, stealing, and lying.
And there was so much more to learn. And here is how the Lord’s Great Commission to make disciples worked so wonderfully. Of course, there was the formal instruction of God’s Word. Sermons and lessons were delivered when the congregation gathered, and people learned. Then, there were small gatherings of two, three, or four with questions, answers, prayers, and testimonies. Through it all, there were two processes simultaneously at work. Some truths were consciously and conscientiously taught. But other, somewhat more subtle truths were unconsciously caught. Example? When a father directs his son to come to him, the boy disregards his father and runs in the opposite direction. So, Dad swats his bottom and makes him cry. The boy learns, painfully, to come when his father tells him to come and stop with the foolish nonsense. But not the boy only. The new Christians just arriving for Bible study and prayer learn how a mature believer properly deals with his beloved child’s folly and rebellion and remember the Bible principle for use at a later time. That is an illustration of a truth caught as much as taught.
But there is more, even in the well-ordered worship events when the saints gather. In the first half of the second chapter of the first letter to Timothy, Paul reminded Timothy that in public worship, it is to be men who lead in prayer, not women, when the saints gather. The second half of that chapter contains Timothy’s reminder that women are not to call attention to themselves in public worship, being careful not to usurp authority over men but to be quiet concerning public proclamation. For this guidance, both godly men and women were grateful that God provided them directions for properly discharging the public roles they ought to have been taught by their fathers and mothers and would have been trained in Christian homes. This was not an occasional issue to be dealt with, but there is evidence that it was a common problem in different Christian communities. Earlier, in First Corinthians 14, Paul informed the congregation of the importance of women not being forward in public worship but obedient to their husbands, a principle that goes back to the Law of Moses.[2] Such forwardness by a wife reflects poorly on her husband. Gentile Christian husbands and wives would not know this. Still, they would learn this by observing the interactions of the Jewish couples in the congregation—not so much by being taught as by such patterns being caught by humble believers eager to learn, grow, and please God.
How does all this come to be? First Corinthians 4.14-15:
14 I write not these things to shame you, but as my beloved sons I warn you.
15 For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel.
We Baptists are very wary of addressing any man as father, and rightly so. To refute the Roman Catholic practice of addressing priests as father, we cite Matthew 23.9, where the Savior said to His apostles,
“And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.”
This single verse does not negate the reality that we have human fathers we address as fathers. Neither does this verse negate the reality of Paul’s comment in First Corinthians 4.14-15 that believers have spiritual dads. Paul identifies as a father under whose ministries they came to Christ. It is not of great significance for those believers who had Christian dads growing up, but it is essential for those, like the Corinthians, who grew up without godly dads. God has provided spiritual father figures for those converted to Christ under pastoral oversight.
The problem, of course, has to do with the adverse reactions of many who had lousy dads or no dads and who developed embittered resentment toward father figures in general. The danger for them lies in their refusal of God’s provision of a spiritual dad to be a blessing to them. It’s their loss, and one they will often realize after it is too late to remedy their own bad attitude. If one adversely judges the concept of fatherhood because of one’s own bad experiences, not only is one’s understanding of the fatherhood of God adversely affected, but one’s ability and willingness to receive ministry from a spiritual father figure, as well as their development as a father to their children and as a supporter of their children’s father is compromised.
This is a source of great heartache to spiritual fathers. Just as no dad can raise his child without his child’s cooperation and permission, the spiritual father cannot minister grace to a resistant believer. Parents only have a few years before their sons and daughters are physically mature enough to resist all efforts to parent them if they have not been persuaded by parental consistency and correction to comply. The same is true with spiritual offspring. The patterns are set early on.
The means of grace are used frequently, eagerly, and expectantly before the new Christian, the new husband, and the new father become overly comfortable in his role. If he mistakes comfort for competence, starts missing Church services, and neglects the means of grace, he not only fails to be the dad by God’s grace he could be, but he withholds from his children the means of grace they might have had access to. Do you imagine you can be your best as a father apart from the equipping ministry of someone who is a spiritual father? Do you imagine you can be your best as a father apart from being saturated with the means of grace in your Church, which is the Church of God, the Father?
Finally, GOD’S PATTERN OF FATHERHOOD THROUGHOUT THE FAMILY OF GOD
The Church of Jesus Christ is the congregation organized to live for, love, and serve the Lord Jesus Christ. We take the Great Commission as our marching orders and the ordinances of believer baptism and the communion of the Lord’s Supper as our duty to protect and observe.
Though we are committed to the Church congregation as the primary means through which we grow in grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ, we understand that our Christian life expressions are focused on but not limited to the members of our Church. We have ministry responsibilities to those outside our Church, not only those who need to be saved but also those who are saved but not members of our Church.
Allow me to cite two examples of such relationships: First, Philemon 10, where Paul pleads with Philemon as a brother in Christ on behalf of the man he introduced to Christ, a slave named Onesimus: “I beseech thee for my son Onesimus.” This brief letter contains no mention of Paul as an apostle, and neither he nor Onesimus is in a Church relationship with each other. Paul is in prison. He writes to Philemon as one Christian brother to another but acknowledges that the man he has introduced to Christ, and on whose behalf he wrote this letter, was his spiritual son. Meaning? Meaning such spiritual relationships exist in the family of God outside the membership of any Church. Next, First John 2.12-14:
12 I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name’s sake.
13 I write unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I write unto you, young men, because ye have overcome the wicked one. I write unto you, little children, because ye have known the Father.
14 I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one.
This passage is not directed to a congregation but to the family of God in general, the Christian community. John does write as an apostle, but those he is writing to are not recipients as Church members (though they are doubtless members of various Churches) but as believers in Christ in the family of God. This is the only thing I would stress at this time: that there are spiritual fathers in the faith and that you would do well to benefit from them, both at the beginning of your Christian life and when you grow to be strong in the faith.
Reflect on the number of verses in God’s Word that mention father or fathers and the fact that the First Person of the Triune Godhead identifies Himself as God the Father. The Lord Jesus Christ so addresses him. Add to that the two situations in which God gave fathers.
God provided an adult male to mate with your mother to produce you, a pastor, and perhaps other mature believers to function as spiritual fathers to you within and outside your Church. But will your bad experiences caused by others be allowed to rob you of God’s provision for your spiritual care and development? You have daddy issues, so God’s overall plan for your growth and development is set aside, not only to your own detriment but also to the detriment of those around you who unconsciously follow your example.
You are comfortable as a dad, so you do not need to avail yourself of God’s means of grace to reach your potential as a father to your children. And perhaps, along the way, become a spiritual father figure to your kids and others. But you do not develop in those areas of your Christian life because you stayed home?
Let me also challenge you who are women. You need a father figure in your life, especially if you have daddy issues because of terrible choices your mother or grandmother made.
Let me challenge you who are guys who may someday be men, who may someday be husbands, and who someday may be fathers. Being a father is not about teaching your son to play ball or devoting yourself to being fun to be around.
Being a father is much more than working hard to provide for your family. Your relationship with your children depends on the relationship God has assumed with those in His family. Meaning?
This means that God has called you to something high and holy, something you need to be a committed Christian to succeed at by God’s grace. It can be done! By God’s grace, it can be done! But it cannot be done unless you pay attention!
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[1] Ulysses S. Grant, Memoirs And Selected Letters, (The Library Of America, 1990), pages 22-27.
[2] 1 Corinthians 14.34-35
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