Calvary Road Baptist Church

“A MASCULINE RELATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN” Part 4

Proverbs 31.3 

This is the final iteration of my sermon series, “A MASCULINE RELATIONSHIP WITH WOMEN.” Please turn to Proverbs 31.3 and stand for the reading of God’s Word: 

“Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.” 

The first main point made in this series was the problem with a masculine relationship with women in our society, and in Western civilization for a thousand years. I developed and expanded on that point over three services. This evening will be somewhat a more abbreviated consideration of my final two points: 

LET US NOW ADDRESS THE PROHIBITION IN SCRIPTURE WHICH DIRECTLY ADDRESSES THIS PROBLEM IN OUR SOCIETY 

Our text reads, “Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.” 

I want you to notice two things about this verse:

First, I want you to notice the parallelism of this prohibition. Look at the graphic below, provided to enable you to see the parallelism so typical in Hebrew poetry, which helps us to understand what is communicated here: 

 

The Hebrew word translated “give” means to “bestow” or to make a gift of something.[1] In other words, this is a reference to something that is entirely up to a man’s discretion. What is being forbidden simply cannot occur unless and until a man decides that it will happen. Very interesting.

What is “strength?” It is virility. It is power.[2] One conservative scholar suggests it refers to “all that contributes to making him a strong king.”[3] And it is really contrasted with the woman here, since the word for “woman” means the soft one, the delicate one. So, the prohibition is “Do not surrender your strength to a woman.” “Do not turn over your virility to a woman.”

But that is just the first half of the verse. The verb “give” is only used once, but it applies to both parallel parts. “Nor thy ways.” “Ways” translates a word that refers to your undertakings, your course of life, your actions.[4] The word fits nicely into my previous use of the word “agenda.”

Who are you not to give your undertakings, your course of life, your actions, to? To “that which destroyeth kings.” If you look back, you see a parallel drawn between that which destroyeth kings and women. Did not a woman destroy Samson? Did not a woman all but destroy David? Did not women destroy Solomon, who wrote most of Proverbs, though not this portion of the book?

Having seen the parallel, let us take notice now of the principles of the prohibition. When you look back from the end of Proverbs 31.3, notice that the warning as that which destroyeth kings is women, females. When you look forward to the next verse, you see something else which destroyeth kings; wine.

May I suggest to you a profoundly politically incorrect opinion, that women and wine have the potential of similar effects on kings, on princes, on husbands, on men who permit such effects by giving themselves over to them? Assuming a man’s strength, his virility, is likened here to his direction in life, to his actions of life, to his undertakings, to his agenda and the execution of his agenda, his mission if you will, then I think you understand what Lemuel’s mother was teaching her son so that he might be a good man, a good husband, and a good king.

Men, in your dealings with the women in your life (and I speak to men and not boys), there are prerogatives you should never surrender to any woman. God gives you a freedom of decision and action that you never allow any woman to talk you out of. She can only talk you out of it, seduce you out of it, persuade you out of it, because no one can take it from you without your passive acquiescence unless you are her manageable man.

Consider what we have in this verse. How strange, and how marvelous. We see here that a woman, this king’s mother, taught him to never, ever, under any circumstances, surrender control, or leadership, or initiative, or decision-making prerogatives, his agenda, his mission in life, to his wife, or to any woman for that matter. Good Lord, what would happen in the United States of America if Christian men stopped giving their strength to women and if they stopped giving their ways to that which destroyeth kings?

Why should a man stop allowing his wife to boss him, no longer take orders from his girlfriend, quit surrendering his vitality to females because he is a wimp? Because that woman, if you are not careful, will have the same effect on your capacity for sound judgment that wine has on a man. What effect does wine have on a man? A woman who has enticed you to forsake your agenda for hers, like wine, has caused you to forget the law and pervert judgment, verse 5. Oh, she makes you feel good, like liquor does to a man who is about to die or a man who is depressed, because it is an anesthetic, a drug, verse 6. Like liquor, she has the ability to cause you to forget, verse 7.

For an unsaved man, it is bad enough. He does not have a spiritual agenda. He has no intentions of serving God. He lives from day to day, going to work and going home, seeking to accomplish and fulfill his fleshly agenda. However, the Christian man’s life is more important, is more significant. So, how devastating it would be for that man to surrender his God-given agenda to a woman, any woman, no matter how godly she may be thought to be?

“Why is it destructive for a man to give his strength to a woman, pastor?” Because his strength, his virility, his agenda is his to fulfill. His “ways” are his ways. They are his undertakings, his actions, his course of life, not hers. God’s plan is for the Christian man to be the leader in his home, and once he has reached adulthood, he is to never, ever, surrender that leadership position to a woman. Never!

I think of George Washington, the father of our country. He was more well thought of than Benjamin Franklin, who was much brighter (a genius really), but who gave his strength to women, while Washington did not. Abraham Lincoln did not give his strength to women, though his wife would have crushed a lesser man. Though a flawed president, Richard Nixon achieved some great things because he did not give his strength to women, and look at the impressive daughters they raised. Ronald Reagan, who did give his strength to his wife, was a good president, but not a great one, while failing as a father. Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford, and Bill Clinton all gave their strength to women, either their wives or to other women. Presidents Obama, Biden, and Trump? What can I say?

Even other impressive men, who give not their strength to women, typically have no spiritual agenda. They had no spiritual direction to speak of. No man has real spiritual strength to accomplish anything for the cause of Christ so long as he rejects Christ and despises Him. Despite no support or significant opposition, George Whitefield and John Wesley were giants for God. Having a wife who did her dead-level best to oppose his ministry, Wesley nevertheless succeeded. I am given to understand that Whitefield’s wife gave him little support.

William Carey succeeded in India despite a wife who went mad and attempted to stab him. How so? How could those men do what they did by God’s grace? In part because they gave not their strength to women. They wavered from their divinely appointed agenda not one bit, despite problems associated with their wives.

However, so many men have no idea how to pull this off. How are they to learn? Let us not forget that men will be clueless unless they know Christ. Oh, a guy can be a strong leader in his home even if he is lost. He can even have an agenda of some kind to fulfill. We have seen interesting examples of men who succeeded wildly, in part because they did not give their strength to women.

Our concern is how a Christian man is to pull this off? How do you grow a lad into this kind of man? How is a guy transformed into this kind of man? 

WE FINALLY COME TO THE PROVISION FOR OBEDIENCE 

While it is obvious that the responsibility is primarily mine to train Christian men to obey God and to teach them, provoke them, encourage them, rebuke them, and exhort them never to give their strength to women, there are other means by which this proper relationship to women should be taught to men and boys.

Throughout childhood, a boy must be trained for this time in his life. In this regard, the primary instructor in the boy’s life is, or should ideally be, his father. His father performs this function by both direct instruction and the example of his life, First Thessalonians 2.10-11: 

10 Ye are witnesses, and God also, how holily and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe:

11 As ye know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children. 

Dad should teach that boy how to walk like a man, talk like a man, posture his body like a man, and develop a personality befitting a man. He should show by his example and instructions how a man relates to the women in his life. If he sees his boy hanging around girls all the time, catering to females all the time, he should nudge him. If need be, rebuke him, caution him, and warn him that he is setting himself up to give his strength to women and that if he does, it could be his ruin. When a man watches dirty movies, or looks at dirty pictures, or is unfaithful to the boy’s mother? That man, too, is giving his strength to women. Men who give their strength to women are losers who end up training their sons to be losers, as well. Also, how can a man who chases women not be a follower of women, since the one giving chase is always the follower?

Though dad is the primary instructor of the boy as he becomes a man, mom obviously plays a tremendously important role also. Women can warn their sons about women such as men cannot. Moms ought to warn their sons about giving their strength to women, as we saw in Proverbs 31.3.

Notice, also, the mother’s role spelled out in Proverbs 6.20-28: 

20  My son, keep thy father’s commandment, and forsake not the law of thy mother:

21  Bind them continually upon thine heart, and tie them about thy neck.

22  When thou goest, it shall lead thee; when thou sleepest, it shall keep thee; and when thou awakest, it shall talk with thee.

23  For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life:

24  To keep thee from the evil woman, from the flattery of the tongue of a strange woman.

25  Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids.

26  For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life.

27  Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?

28    Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? 

A moth’s law should shed light on the subject, illuminating her son’s understanding. What a stupid son who does not listen to his mother’s warnings about a woman. Mom may see things about that woman that her boy will not see until it is too late. Oh, for the mother who trains her boy not to be a sissy, but to be strong, to be masculine, and to not give away his strength to any woman, not even, when he is grown, to her.

There seems to come a time in a boy’s life when he finds listening to his mother more and more difficult. As he begins to enter young manhood, he needs to exercise wisdom on his own, and there are warnings from God’s Word that he must heed if he is to avoid giving his strength to any woman. Proverbs 7.1-27: 

1   My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee.

2   Keep my commandments, and live; and my law as the apple of thine eye.

3   Bind them upon thy fingers, write them upon the table of thine heart.

4   Say unto wisdom, Thou art my sister; and call understanding thy kinswoman:

5   That they may keep thee from the strange woman, from the stranger which flattereth with her words.

6   For at the window of my house I looked through my casement,

7   And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding,

8   Passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house,

9   In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night:

10  And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart.

11  (She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house:

12  Now is she without, now in the streets, and lieth in wait at every corner.)

13  So she caught him, and kissed him, and with an impudent face said unto him,

14  I have peace offerings with me; this day have I payed my vows.

15  Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face, and I have found thee.

16  I have decked my bed with coverings of tapestry, with carved works, with fine linen of Egypt.

17  I have perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon.

18  Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves with loves.

19  For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:

20  He hath taken a bag of money with him, and will come home at the day appointed.

21  With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him.

22  He goeth after her straightway, as an ox goeth to the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the stocks;

23  Till a dart strike through his liver; as a bird hasteth to the snare, and knoweth not that it is for his life.

24  Hearken unto me now therefore, O ye children, and attend to the words of my mouth.

25  Let not thine heart decline to her ways, go not astray in her paths.

26  For she hath cast down many wounded: yea, many strong men have been slain by her.

27  Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death. 

Second Timothy 2.22: “Flee also youthful lusts.” First Corinthians 6.18: “Flee fornication.” First Thessalonians 5.22: “Abstain from all appearance of evil.”

Then, finally, the young man marries. 

What kind of wife is that? Consider Proverbs 31.4-9: 

4   It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:

5   Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.

6   Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.

7   Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.

8   Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.

9   Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy. 

Liquor and the wrong kind of woman are compared regarding their effect on a man. Whenever you see booze in Proverbs, you see it associated with the wrong kind of woman. Not only are loose women always around where there is booze, but liquor and the wrong kind of woman always have the same kind of effect on a man.

However, not all women are like liquor. Not all women try to boss their men around. Not all women strive to be manipulative with the men in their lives. Not all women take advantage of a passive husband by whirling around him and running every feature of his life by default.

There is one kind of woman who builds up her man, who wifes him instead of mothering him, who elevates his status in the eyes of other men, who is busy and industrious and accomplishes much, but not at his expense. What kind of woman is that? It is the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31.10-31: 

10  Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11  The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

12  She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13  She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14  She is like the merchants’ ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15  She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16  She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17  She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18  She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19  She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff.

20  She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21  She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22  She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23  Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24  She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant.

25  Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27  She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28  Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

30  Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. 

As I read over this portion of Scripture, one phrase seems to jump off the page at me. Why? Because it is the phrase that shows, in my estimation, whether or not the wife has been given her husband’s strength, whether or not she is fulfilling her own agenda or he is fulfilling his.

As you consider the passage, you will see that the proper relationship between a husband and a wife should not stifle her creativity, or her entrepreneurial energies, or her genius. Properly occupying her role relative to her husband causes her to blossom like a beautiful flower, not shrivel and die.

However, if that man is not giving his strength to her, if she is not sapping him of his strength, of his virility as a man, how is that best told? How is that seen? Verse 23: 

“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.” 

Sir, your success as a man will, to some degree, be judged by your friends based on the conduct of your wife. If you are married to a marvelous Christian woman, and if you do not give your strength to her, and if you will not allow her to set your course of life, and if you will not abandon your agenda for hers (assuming you have an agenda that can be seen by those who know you) on those rare occasions when she seeks to advance her agenda at the expense of yours (she is human, after all), then you will be judged well and highly esteemed.

Understand that the responsibility for being a masculine man and husband is all yours, sir. No woman can take your strength from you. You have to give it to her for her to have your strength. So, do your wife a favor and commit yourself to denying her your strength so she will have the liberty to live her life with you as God would have her to, thereby becoming a virtuous woman.

Men, it is up to you. It is your strength to never give to any woman, not hers to take. What kind of a man are you? It will be seen in your relationships with the women in your life. 

Want to know what is amazing? Some men are never so manly as when they get mad at the preacher for urging them to be manly. However, never is a woman so spiritually sheltered, so wonderfully protected, so free to be who God wants her to be, as when she is married to a man who will not give to her his strength and will actually function like a man.

So many men are afraid to come to Church, afraid to consider the claims of Christ, because they envision themselves being feminized, made into wimps, turned into glorified sissies. No wonder when you look at the average pastor and the average man in the average Church. Or when you see how few men there are for the women in the Church.

How little do those unsaved men understand that the very opposite is true. As I discovered to my everlasting delight about 50 years ago, the only man who is fully a man is a Christian man. Oh, there are real men who are not Christian men, but they are not fully men. There is something missing from their masculinity.

All other men are either wimps and weenies, like little kids who are afraid to take the lead in their homes and insist on acting like overgrown children, or bullies and thugs who insist on being the boss but who have no capacity for sacrifice, no capacity for moral courage, no capacity for spiritual direction in their lives.

There is, thankfully, wide variation in God’s plan for men’s personalities in the Christian life. There can be quiet men and loud men, confident men and even timid men, strong men and weak men, articulate men and inarticulate men. However, there is no room in Christianity for a man who will not lead his wife, who will not lead his family, who surrenders his agenda to any woman. That, my friends, is intolerable.

Christian man? Find out what God wants of you. Establish an agenda for your life, a course, a direction that honors God. It will be connected to this Church, I guarantee you. That done, expend yourself fulfilling your God-given agenda, allowing no lovely woman in your life, whether it be wife or mom or daughter or sister, to distract you from the fulfillment of that agenda.

“But where do I go, pastor? What shall I do?” Follow me as I follow Christ and do what I show you in God’s Word that He would have you to do. Get that down okay and you will do all right as a man, as a masculine man, so different from the men of this world or the men in most Churches.

“But I know guys who do not like it here, pastor.” Yes, and, sad to say, they are guys who seem so frequently to fall far short in this matter of not giving their strength to women. Oh, how good we are for those guys, by God’s grace, if only they will commit to letting us show them how not to give their God-given strength to women.

__________

[1] Francis Brown, S. R. Driver & Charles A. Briggs, The New Brown-Driver-Briggs-Gesenius Hebrew And English Lexicon, (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 1979), page 605.

[2] Ibid., page 298.

[3] Bruce K. Waltke, The Book Of Proverbs Chapters 15-31, (Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 2005), page 507.

[4] BDB, page 203.

 

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