Calvary Road Baptist Church
“TOXIC MASCULINITY” Part 2
In Genesis 12.10-20, Abram and Sarai went to Egypt during a famine in the Promised Land. While in Egypt, he lied to Pharaoh and said Sarai was his sister and not his wife. In Genesis 20.1-13, while Abraham and Sarah were in Gerar, Abraham once again lied and said Sarah was his sister, this time to Abimelech, the king of Gerar. How very courageous of that man, fearing for his life and not a care in the world for his wife’s safety from the threat of rape on two occasions.
Interestingly, his son, Isaac, who no doubt found his dad’s cowardice despicable, also lied and said that Rebekah was his sister in Genesis 26.1-11. And he told the lie to, take a guess, Abimelech, the king of Gerar, just like his dad did. Thus, Isaac had a character flaw learned from his father’s character flaw, to lie about his wife to protect his own skin when he found himself in danger.
Here is another one. Isaac was something of a weakling. Because of his weakness, people took advantage of him, knowing he would not retaliate. This differed from Abraham, who led the nighttime raid to rescue his nephew, Lot. What do we see with Jacob that resembles the weakness in the face of threats displayed by Isaac? Was Jacob like his dad or his granddad in that respect?
In Genesis 34.1-5, we are told that his daughter Dinah went astray (itself a possible indication of Jacob’s weakness), and the result was that she was raped by a prince of that country named Shechem. Did he do what he did because he had no fear of Dinah’s father? What did Jacob do when he was informed his daughter had been raped? Genesis 34.5 informs us that he “held his peace.” Read on, and you will learn that Dinah’s brothers were outraged and took vengeance while their father wrung his hands and fretted.
I want to focus on that as Isaac showed himself to be a weak man, so Jacob showed himself to be a weak man. It is one thing to do nothing when men seize your wells, as Isaac had done. It is another thing to do nothing when a man rapes your daughter, as Jacob did. He learned weakness from his father, which was more pronounced than his father’s. Can a desert sheik in a lawless land allow such things to be done to his family without retaliation?
Move ahead many centuries to the reign of David as king of Israel. Consider the profound impact that David’s adultery with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband Uriah had on David’s children. Think it might have had an impact on David’s son, Amnon, who subsequently raped his half-sister, Tamar? “Dad cares little for a young woman’s moral purity, so why should I care about my half-sister’s chastity?”
Think it might also have had an impact on Tamar’s brother Absalom, when David was grieved about what happened to Tamar but did nothing, and so Absalom not only sought revenge by killing his half-brother Amnon to avenge his sister, Tamar, but also had such disrespect for his father that he attempted a coup to overthrow David and would have killed him had he succeeded?
Let us not forget Isaac playing favorites with his sons, Esau and Jacob. Despite knowing God’s plan to bless Jacob, the second born of the twins, Isaac clearly showed favoritism toward Esau. And with a father who played favorites with his sons, does it surprise you that Jacob played favorites with his son Joseph over the older sons?
I could go on, but I think my point is made. I have traits from my father, and you have traits from your father. Were you raised by a lousy dad or by no dad? That leaves you with a bushel basket of issues to address. Do you imagine yourself to be an okay dad, an okay husband, and an okay man? You might want to withhold judgment until you take stock of the spiritual condition of your kids.
Perhaps we need to be a bit more reflective in our self-evaluations since there can be no doubt that our fathers influenced us for the better and the worse. Was your dad a godly man? Was he a spiritually growing man? Was he a humble student of God’s Word? The answers to these and other questions should command your interest for the next few minutes.
This is the second of the messages titled “TOXIC MASCULINITY.” It is really the message that has been on my mind and heart since it began to form during the first week of December when I was preaching for Samuel Rai in Nepal and observing a new chapter in his wonderfully fruitful ministry.
You may recall that from time to time, when my schedule permits the required time to study thoroughly, I have delivered a series of messages showing what is not found in most study Bibles and commentaries, which is evidenced in each book of the Bible of the spiritual war that we are engulfed in, with Satanic and demonic opposition to the advance of the Gospel in addition to our struggles to deal with our own sinfulness.
Thus far, I have preached sermons titled “A Survey Of Satanic & Demonic Warfare In Genesis” through “A Survey Of Satanic & Demonic Warfare In Ezekiel.” I have stalled at the book of Daniel because the evidence is quite simply overwhelming. I hope to get to it soon. With that accumulating weight of Biblical evidence and being personally convinced that the spiritual conflict we are engaged in is vastly more severe than we recognize, with the doctrines of demons and the influence of seducing spirits being far more profound than we typically give them credit for, I began to formulate a notion in Nepal, with that formulation crystallizing while I was in Greece, and hardening into what is developing into a conviction upon my return to the United States.
We will see strong evidence when I deliver “A Survey Of Satanic & Demonic Warfare In Daniel” that not all angels are created equal, but there is a hierarchy in the angelic realm. For example, some archangels are likely more powerful, more intelligent and are given substantially more authority than lower-ranking angels. Most of us are familiar with the archangel Michael. We have also heard of Gabriel, associated with the virgin birth of Christ, an angel of unspecified rank and station. The same holds of the unholy angelic beings engaged in a spiritual conflict against God that likely began sometime between the end of Genesis chapter two and the beginning of Genesis chapter three, when Lucifer rebelled against God and was cast down, taking one-third of the host of heaven with him.
We are told of the prince of Persia in Daniel 10.13 and 20 and of the prince of Grecia in Daniel 10.20. The context of those verses makes it almost certain that powerful incorporeal beings, mighty fallen angels that influenced the leaders of those kingdoms, are referred to. And likely not those two kingdoms only. If the whole world lieth in wickedness, then it is likely that every nation and realm is powerfully influenced by an exceedingly intelligent, astonishingly powerful, and incredibly wicked angel likened to a prince. If there is a prince of Persia and a prince of Grecia, then why not a prince of Rome, a prince of Spain, a prince of England, a prince of Scotland, a prince of France, and even a prince of the USA?
However, that is not all that I want you to consider. In Ephesians 6.10-12, Paul urges his readers,
10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
11 Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Not everyone agrees that principalities, powers, rulers of the darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness are direct references to demon influencers. Some good men are persuaded that the Apostle Paul refers to highly placed government officials who oppose the plan, purpose, and people of God. Even if that is true, which I doubt, the intelligences behind highly placed wicked despots in governments are themselves demons.
The devil is a personal being, and his minions are personal beings, as Paul warned Timothy, who was in Ephesus when he wrote his letter to the Ephesians. Paul reminded Timothy, in First Timothy 4.1-2,
1 Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils;
2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron.
That we are engaged in personal conflicts in the spiritual realm is undeniable to the Bible student. We come into contact with spiritual beings seeking to lead us astray, tempt us to sin, and otherwise inflict harm on us. Why else would James urge his readers to,
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you,”
James 4.7? And First Peter 5.8-9:
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
It is clear, then, that Christians are not only subject to the opposition of the institutional layers of governments that preside over us, but we must also contend on an individual and personal basis with spiritual opposition that comes at us directly from spiritual adversaries and from human beings who are used as the pawns of our spiritual adversaries. Our involvement in our Church is so profoundly important to our spiritual success and vitality.
We are better suited to fight spiritual warfare in formation than as individuals on the field of battle with no Christian soldiers nearby. This reminds me of Roman soldiers in our Lord’s day and during Paul’s lifetime. Not especially dangerous to an enemy fighter in a one-on-one encounter, the Romans were matchless when fighting in formation, shoulder to shoulder with their brothers in arms. That is true of Christians as Church members fighting with our mates nearby.
I am persuaded Christians in the USA tend to make two kinds of mistakes concerning spiritual conflict. On the one hand, I don’t think I have met more than a couple of Christians over the last almost half-century who recognized that the person you are married to is not automatically on your side during every moment of the spiritual conflict and always has your best interests in mind.
You might think I am spouting heresy until you remember that moments after Simon Peter said to the Lord in Caesarea Philippi, “Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God,”[1] the Savior “turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.”[2]
If that could happen to Simon Peter, it can happen to you. And if that can happen to Simon Peter, it can happen to your spouse. And don’t forget how adamant Simon Peter was about his loyalty in the courtyard of Caiaphas’ home, only to subsequently deny the Lord three times before the cock crowed. Spouses are not always steadfast and true, be they husbands or wives. What will you do, how will you respond, when your spouse buckles under temptation and desperately needs you to be right when she is wrong, needs you to be courageous when he crumbles, needs you to be faithful when she is unfaithful?
Christian? You need to be mindful that your Christian spouse is on your side only when you are on the right side and your spouse is on the right side. It is entirely possible, and likely at some point, that you will be on the right side with your spouse on the wrong side or that you will be on the wrong side and your spouse will be on the right side.
You do not have a healthy marriage if you assume your wife does not need your leadership and occasional correction by you. Also, you do not have a healthy marriage if you assume your husband will never need your influence to address his misconduct or bad attitude in a Scriptural way.
When was the last time you led your wife when she was out of line or when she imagined she had the authority to veto you, control you, criticize you in front of other people, or do something that needed correction so you dealt with it? When was the last time you addressed your husband’s misconduct or bad attitude, doing so without undermining his authority or position as your head?
This area, imagining you and your spouse are always on the same side, is a terrible mistake that can lead to tragic consequences. It confuses children who are not stupid, who see mom doing something wrong with dad too scared to address the problem. On the other hand, when children have never seen mom humbly and with wisdom address dad’s improper conduct without criticizing him, backbiting him, challenging him, or chasing him to the corner of the rooftop by badgering him.
The second kind of mistake I think we make in this part of the world, not counting those who simply do not believe we are in a spiritual war, is imagining the spiritual strategies against us are the same everywhere. I never gave much thought to supernatural strategies employed against us by our enemies. But I am now convinced three overarching approaches are employed against humanity by the devil and the demons with great effectiveness.
The greatest majority of the human race, which would include South America, Africa, South Asia, and Eastern and Southern Europe, is under the spiritual slavery of idolatry. From the idolatry of Roman Catholicism and the various Orthodox Churches with their idols and icons to the idolatry of animism to the idolatry of Hinduism’s one hundred million gods, Satan’s strategy for that large segment of humanity is to enslave them to the demons in the back of every idol.
Then there is that portion of mankind clouded in the darkness of Islam, which is the dreadful worship of Allah, who is nothing if not Satan himself. The Southern portion of the Philippines, Indonesia, Bangladesh, and the Middle Eastern and African countries that are Muslim are oppressed in ways that would boggle the minds of most Westerners.
Finally, there is the primarily secular Northern Europe, extending to the British Isles and Scandinavia, to North America, Australia, and New Zealand. This part of humanity has pockets of idolatry and Islam, but the strategy the devil and his demons mostly employ in regions we are familiar with, using the doctrines of demons advanced by seducing spirits, is the annihilation of the traditional family unit, the emasculating of men, the feminism of women, and the confusion of children regarding their place among adults.
We in the West seem to be unwilling to come to grips with the methods used against us by our spiritual enemies. For a thousand years, Western culture has been faced with increasingly effeminate Christianity, and for one hundred fifty years, with the rise of feminist ideology. The result is that spiritual assaults on our culture, our institutions, on our families, in our Churches, and on individuals designed to prevent boys from growing into godly men through conversion and discipleship, as well as to hinder the development of girls into godly women, wives, and mothers.
This evening, rather than take the time to address the issues related to women and personal piety as a Christian woman, as a Christian wife, and as a Christian mother, I want to speak to the problems related to men. If the strategy used in the Muslim world is demonic oppression and the imposition on more than one billion people of the direct worship of Satan, and the strategy used in the Hindu, Buddhist, Orthodox, and Catholic world is idolatry, either the hundred million gods of Hinduism or the worship of Mary and the saints, then the assault on the West seems to be more like the assault that took place in the Garden of Eden. Remember how Satan used the serpent to target Eve rather than directly confronting Adam?
I am persuaded that type of spiritual warfare is waged against us, and not so much the imposition on us of Islam’s Allah or the idolatry we have little inclination to embrace. With most men, the enemy’s goal is to confuse them, discourage them, or frighten them into not providing the leadership needed by the women in their life, the children in their life, and the boys and younger men in their life.
Consider a man and a woman who are not married and have recently met. The pattern that saturates our culture is a pattern of men chasing women, men pursuing women, men seducing women, and men in some way seeing women as a prize of conquest. And in almost every scenario that takes place between men and women who are not believers in Jesus Christ and too many who profess to be believers in Jesus Christ, that is how it plays out.
The problem with that scenario is that in every case, it is a scenario in which a man somehow follows the object of his interest. I submit to you that any situation in which a man follows a woman, except your boss at work, the police officer who issues you a citation, or some other such situation after you reach adulthood, is inappropriate. Follow the woman at work who is your boss, follow the law enforcement officer who is a woman giving you lawful orders, but there is no scenario I can think of where an adult male should follow a woman. Not to meet her. Not to date her. Not to marry her.
Men should only lead. Men should always lead. Men should ever lead. And when a man is a man of God who concerns himself with being a leader, God will bring about the conditions of a woman who will follow him in marriage. I am not suggesting men take no role in securing a wife, just that men should never take a followship role when securing a wife.
That said, virtually 100% of the men in the USA engaged in the following tactic that led to their marriage. How much sense does it make that a woman who led her man through the dating process will suddenly turn about and begin following him once she says, “I do”? Say they date for a year and then marry. So, he follows her for the better part of a year, marries her, and then expects her to begin to follow him? It does not happen that way.
Yet even men who imagine they were leaders before their conversion, seeing themselves as firmly in charge as leaders in their relationship with their woman, could not possibly be spiritual leaders as lost men. That means, like it or not, see it or not, once a man and woman come to Christ, their relationship has to be reformulated along Scriptural guidelines. But before they stand any reasonable chance of doing that, by God’s grace, they must look each other in the eye and admit, “We are doing this all wrong.”
Until Christian men recognize where God wants them concerning women, there is no hope. So, to see that in a way that is not much appreciated in our culture, turn to First Corinthians 11.1-3:
1 Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.
2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you.
3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.
Paul here encourages the Corinthians to follow him as he follows Christ. Thus, this is essential guidance to being a Christ follower. It is in verse 3 that a functional hierarchy exists in divine and human relations. God is Christ’s head. Christ is man’s head. And man is woman’s head. This has nothing to do with value or worth since God and Christ are coequal persons of the Godhead, and men and women are coequal in God’s sight as human beings.
Thus, Christ is functionally subordinate to God the Father. It does not diminish Him or denigrate Him to submit to His Father. In like manner, a woman is functionally subordinate to the man, and it in no way diminishes or denigrates a woman to submit to a man. Conversely, it never demeans a woman to lead her. She may be irritated by a man’s leadership of her. But the man does nothing wrong to lead her, and in fact does wrong her by not leading her.
No woman subverts a man’s leadership by discussing serious issues with him, approaching him respectfully when he has wronged her, or respectfully disagreeing with him. No man is wrong for being strong, wrong for leading, or wrong for attempting to protect. The great tragedy of our era and in our part of the globe is waving the white flag of surrender when our leadership role is challenged. But this is related to the Gospel, of course. Only the Christian man can be a real man, a leading kind of man because only a Spirit-indwelt and a Spirit-filled man can seize upon what God has for him to be a loving and effective leader to his wife (if he is married) and his children (if he is a father).
Contrary wise, only Christian men have not been given the spirit of fear, “but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” It is unthinkable for a Christian man to be ruled by his wife, vetoed by his wife, dominated by his wife, ridiculed by his wife, and silenced by his wife. Christian men are committed to following Christ by following Paul. And you cannot follow Paul unless you are leading your wife.
This is the kind of environment where boys need to be raised. This is the kind of environment where Christian men thrive.
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[1] Matthew 15.16
[2] Matthew 15.23
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