Calvary Road Baptist Church
“GETTING OFFENDED”
I want to bring a message to you that I preached long ago to the congregation at my first pastorate in 1984. God blessed the message then, and I trust He will bless the message now. The message is entitled “Getting Offended.” I’m sure you can see it coming.
Almost every congregation must deal with and cope with the recurring problem of people who attend the Church worship services “Getting Offended.” We all know people who “Get Offended” by this, or the other thing. And you can be sure that the different reasons people can “Get Offended” are many times more numerous than the number of people. This is because those who “Get Offended” typically “Get Offended” for various reasons.
Do you want to hear why people “Get Offended”? Let me list a few reasons. I am sure you can think of things that offend people I have not thought of, so don’t be offended if I fail to list the reasons you can think of for “Getting Offended.”
If everyone in the Church service shakes hands with the visitor, we can run the risk of offending the visitor by seeming to the visitor as being too pushy. But with too few handshakes, the visitor might be offended by the aloofness and lack of love on display.
A woman once told me that I grieved the Spirit for avoiding her attempted full-frontal shoulders to knees embrace. She was after full frontal contact when she hugged men, and I was not. She was a woman about my age, and I was about forty at the time.
Want to hear another one? I know a lady who stopped attending the Church led by a pastor friend of mine, who told a Church member in that congregation that she and her husband would not be returning because there weren’t enough “Amens” when she sang.
Still others “Get Offended” by beliefs you may embrace, based on the Word of God, that are entirely unrelated to that individual. Still, they “Get Offended” by that doctrine’s impact on another person.
Let me stop there. I could get really specific with many more examples, but I don’t want to offend anyone. Instead, I really want to deal with our tendency to become easily offended. To deal with our tendency to become easily offended we must look to the Word of God. And to effectively study Scripture on this subject we will look at the concept of “Getting Offended,” the cause of “Getting Offended,” and then the consequence of “Getting Offended.” Amen?
First, THE CONCEPT OF ‘GETTING OFFENDED’
Let me begin with my search. As I began to search the Scriptures, I found the meaning of the word “offend” in the New Testament. The English word translates skandalá½·zoo, a word meaning stumbling block and from which comes our English words scandal and scandalize. Okay, that’s fine, except for one thing. Psalm 119.165 says,
“Great peace have they which love thy law: nothing shall offend them.”
That suggests those who love God’s law are people who are not offended. Guess what else I discovered? Because of time, I must summarize. Scripture speaks of children being offended by religious hypocrites, Matthew 18.6:
“But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.”
Scripture also speaks of the unsaved being offended by Christ, First Peter 2.8:
“And a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence, even to them which stumble at the word, being disobedient: whereunto also they were appointed.”
Finally, Scripture speaks of the Lord Jesus Christ telling Peter that he was an offence for not savoring the things of God, Matthew 16.23:
“But he turned, and said unto Peter, Get thee behind me, Satan: thou art an offence unto me: for thou savourest not the things that be of God, but those that be of men.”
But not one time does Scripture refer to a person being offended by another person in the sense in which we think of “Getting Offended.” So, whatever happens when person “A” is offended by person “B,” it is not the offense, in the Biblical sense, of placing a stumbling block in the path of another.
If we discover from our search that “Getting Offended” does not align with the Biblical description of being offended, being scandalized to use the Greek transliteration, let us deal with the symptom of the problem we seek to understand. How do I find out what “Getting Offended” is in the Bible if offended in the Bible does not match our current use of the term? Simple. We examine the symptoms. Look for Biblical examples of what we call “Getting Offended,” and we’ll know what it’s called in the Bible. Didn’t Cain “Get Offended” when God accepted Abel’s sacrifice but not his own, Genesis 4.3-6? Read the passage, and I am sure you will agree that Cain “Got Offended.” And didn’t King Saul, Israel’s first king, “Get Offended” when the Israelites praised David’s bravery more than his own? Remember what they said in First Samuel 18.7-8:
7 And the women answered one another as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.
8 And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom?
Don’t you think the Scribes and Pharisees “Got Offended” when both John the Baptist and the Savior called them vipers and hypocrites, in Matthew 3.7, 12.34, 23.33, and Luke 3.7? When we’re talking about “Getting Offended,” we’re really referring to what Scripture shows to be wounded pride. Are we not? So, in your mind, under “Getting Offended,” write “Bruised Pride.”
Now That We Understand The Concept of “Getting Offended,” Let’s Examine the CAUSE.
What is the cause of pride? The cause of pride is sin. Pride is thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought to think. It is the opposite of humility. Consider the proud response of Lucifer when God assigned him to earth as his place of service. Thinking himself far too important for such a backwater place of service in God’s vast creation, notice how he reacted, in Isaiah 14.13-15:
13 For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north:
14 I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.
15 Yet thou shalt be brought down to hell, to the sides of the pit.
Like Lucifer’s sin, our sin in like fashion distorts our perception of reality. We think we’re okay, competent, capable, and independent. But you and I are none of these things apart from God’s enabling.
Now, let us consider the cause of wounded pride. Only pride can become injured pride. Consequently, only a proud person can get injured pride, can “Get Offended;” never the humble person. It is better to say, never, when they are humble. “Getting Offended” typically occurs when some other person esteems us lower than we think we are or deserve. They act, speak, or otherwise behave toward us in a manner that we feel is beneath our status, lower than we are due, and our wounded pride reacts as Lucifer acted, responds like Cain responded, or was aroused like King Saul.
Do you think you’re a good mother? Pride. And what happens when someone points out that your kid is a bum? Does it not wound your pride? Does it not reflect on you as a mother? Do you think you’re a good worker? Careful. If you’re not as good as you think you are, or if you are not aware that however good you are, it is the result of God’s abundant grace in your life, you’re proud. Someone calls you a lazy clock watcher, and you’ll “Get Offended.” That such a comment offends you proves the accusation true. Mark this down! People only “Get Offended” by the truth that makes them face unpleasant realities about themselves. However, they do not usually deal with reality well, do they?
Finally, The Consequences of “Getting Offended.”
There are two ways of reacting when you are offended:
Let us first take note of the carnal reaction to “Getting Offended.” This is when you have bad feelings against the person who offended you, forgetting that you would not have been offended had you not first been proud. And because you hold it against that person, bitterness begins to fester, defiling many, Hebrews 12.14-15:
14 Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:
15 Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
Here is a dynamic that too frequently arises. Did the preacher offend you in some way? Rather than approach the pastor in an effort to understand from his perspective what happened, in an effort to discover whether your perception of the event is accurate so you can discover if there is a need to reconcile, some people stop attending Church. It is not unusual for the person who stops attending Church to blame the pastor or another member for slighting him. Sadly, such a reaction is not only ill-advised; it displays a lack of love that covers a multitude of sins and a commitment to dealing with such matters as the Bible directs us.
James 5.20 declares,
“Let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins.”
First Peter 4.8 directs us,
“And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”
Galatians 6.1 reads,
“Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.”
When a person responds wrongly to “Getting Offended,” he usually suffers from the self-inflicted spiritual wound of a damaged personal testimony that tragically affects others by the bad example that is set and the loss of exhortation that comes from no longer being in a community of people who can minister to you in a way strangers cannot ... if you convey to others a humility that is open to correction.
Next, we look at the Christian reaction to “Getting Offended.” When the believer “Gets Offended” (and believers do “Get Offended,” just like everyone else), he recognizes that he and only he is responsible for “Getting Offended,” knowing it to be a case of wounded pride that could only be wounded if pride was already present waiting for something to happen.
What makes you so sure the Christian will recognize that “Getting Offended” is a case of wounded pride? Because Christians are engaged in a lifelong battle with our sinful nature, and almost every sinful issue that presents itself in our lives are rooted in a lack of humility or a lack of understanding. Just as every sin the Devil commits is rooted in pride and lies, so, too, our sins are almost always related in some way to pride (a lack of humility) and truth not being understood and applied.
We know that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble, James 4.6 and First Peter 5.5, and we know that the Word of God is to be studied, applied, hid in our hearts, and used. The result? Instead of bitterness toward another person, the Christian realizes that the responsibility for “Getting Offended” is almost always really his responsibility and not someone else’s. He knows that his pride really caused the problem. And he takes the opportunity not to dwell on the other person’s conduct in anger and developing resentment, but to deal with his own proud heart and seek reconciliation whenever it is needed.
Imagine, in your mind, walking on stilts. The stilts represent your pride, causing you to think you’re much more elevated and better than you really are. Of course, you are elevated, but it is an entirely artificial elevation.
Whatever might cause it, whether it’s accidental or on purpose, doesn’t matter at all, “Getting Offended” occurs when these stilts are kicked out from under you by another person or event. Landing really hard, it hurts.
The carnal reaction, of course, is to get mad at the one who kicked the stilts. Oh, how “Offended” you are that someone would come along and, accidentally or intentionally, kick those stilts out from under you by not treating you in the manner you think you should be treated. How dare he! How dare she!
But the carnal person never seems to give any thought to whether he or she should have been up on those stilts in the first place. Should a person try to negotiate the challenges and obstacles of life artificially elevated like that? No. As my mother used to say, “Such a person is cruising for a bruising.”
The Christian reaction is quite different, is it not? The Christian proper response is to realize you should not have been on the stilts in the first place. It is entirely inappropriate to lift oneself up, which is what the proud do. The Christian studies to do the opposite, leaving the elevating and honoring to God in His own good time.
How do you do that? You cultivate an attitude of mind. Christ’s mind. Philippians 2.5-8:
5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God:
7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:
8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.
You can surely see that you can be knocked down when you are up. But when you are humble, when you are “down,” you cannot be offended. Ever.
Have you ever “Gotten Offended?” Go back and examine that event, and you will discover if you are brutally honest with yourself, that pride and ignorance of Bible truth are typically at the bottom of you “Getting Offended.”
You had better go back and fix those things with confession, seeking forgiveness, and making restitution. This is because God’s way up is down.
For the Christian, “Getting Offended” can be transformed into a valuable way of detecting when your humility is waning, and your pride is waxing. It is also helpful to recognize that there is something in the Bible you need to learn.
Those missed Church services and other means of grace opportunities can pile up over time, with a cumulative effect of a Christian being more easily offended.
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