Calvary Road Baptist Church
“A FATHER’S BEST FRIEND”
Happy Father’s Day to you dads and granddads who are here today. It is my privilege as a pastor, and our delight as a congregation, to welcome and applaud you on this important annual celebration of your place in the profoundly important institution known as the family, the first of the human institutions brought into existence by God.
If you reflect on the relations that can be enjoyed by a man in the context of humanity, they appear in the Bible in order of creation as follows: God created Adam, but Adam’s only relation at the time of his creation was with God, Genesis 2.7, since there were no other human beings. Adam was the first.
When God then created Eve, because it was not good that the man should be alone, Genesis 2.18, the first man then became by God’s next creative act, the first husband. Thus, Adam was created by God, a man. Then, when God created Eve, Adam became, by her creation, a husband.
Genesis chapter three records the temptation and fall of the human race, and it is in Genesis 4.1 we are told that Adam became a father, in Genesis 4.2 that he became a father again, and in Genesis 4.25 that he became a father yet a third time. Throughout their very long span of life, Adam and Eve had many, many sons and daughters.[1]
The severely complicating factor from that time to this, of course, was from the introduction of sin into the human family when Adam sinned against God and ate the forbidden fruit.[2] From Adam’s time to our time, an unbroken chain of rebellion against God and retribution from God has continued without interruption, concluding each of our lives with physical death. Thus, you are conceived, born, and then die. It has never been otherwise throughout human history.
The rebellion against God down through the centuries has always been some form of denial of reality, refusal to bow before God as God, and, following the Flood in Noah’s time, the introduction of idolatry. Paul stated it this way in Romans 1.20-23:
20 For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:
21 Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.
22 Professing themselves to be wise, they became fools,
23 And changed the glory of the uncorruptible God into an image made like to corruptible man, and to birds, and fourfooted beasts, and creeping things.
Of course, such sinful rebellion against God has a price that must be paid, and with idolatry throughout human history there has been a blinding distortion of reality, paralyzing superstition and ignorance, and the grinding poverty and physical slavery that inevitably accompanies spiritual bondage. In Romans 1.24, we read only the beginning of Paul’s account of what led to this terrible development:
“Wherefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonour their own bodies between themselves.”
Everywhere and at all times there has since been idolatry, slavery, poverty, toil, and after an ever-so-brief life, there was death as the doorway to Hell. For men, throughout most of human history, few survived childhood, fewer reached adulthood, some reached fatherhood, and only a small proportion reached old age before dying. It was worse for women due to the hazards of childbirth, and their comparatively smaller size and strength. But this is Father’s Day, so I will stay narrow in my focus.
Only among the Jewish people was there some mitigation of this horror, because of their relationship with God, because of their covenants with God, because of the rule of the Law of Moses, and because of the light of the truth of God’s Word being gradually given to them over the centuries. A man had time and opportunity to do more than struggle to survive if he was Jewish. He could be a man. He could be a husband. And He could be a father.
Even if he was a slave among the Jews, he was better off than all but the most privileged anywhere else in the world. The Hebrew Scriptures provided instruction for a guy to be a man, to be a husband, and to be a father.[3] Throughout the rest of the human race, brutality and promiscuity were the only rules. And then Christ came. His virgin birth, miraculous life, substitutionary death, glorious resurrection, and ascension to the Father’s right hand in heaven ushered in a new era among men. Since Christ, no one has to become a Jew to be set free from slavery to sin. The Gospel provides for any individual to be forgiven all his sins, to be given the gift of eternal life in Christ, and to celebrate the spiritual liberty wherewith Christ has made the believer, both men, and women, free.[4]
For the Christian man, it has meant the spiritual life and privilege to realize genuine manliness, to responsibly lead a wife, and to raise children with wisdom and understanding as he lives for and serves his Savior. Do we live in the millennium? No. Has the curse been lifted? Not yet. Has the application of Biblical principles been very unevenly applied with the spread of the Gospel? Sadly, yes.
A significant problem for fathers to face has to do with the fact that life is not intuitive. What do I mean by that? I mean you cannot live your life according to the way you think is right unless you are willing to create a catastrophe. Proverbs 14.12 and 16.25 both declare,
“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”
If you go the direction that seems logical to you, seems reasonable to you, and seems to be the best way for you, it could very well turn out to be fatal.
So, what is a guy to do who is willing to consider that the Bible has never been proven wrong despite being challenged by opponents for thousands of years? How many lives were you given to live? Only one. How many marriages would you like to destroy? Hopefully none. How many children would you want to ruin? Again, hopefully, none. The point that I seek to make is that you only go around once, and you need to get right things you have never done before, things you don’t want to ruin, and people you don’t want to destroy by making terrible mistakes.
As an almost sixty-nine-year-old man who has seen a lot, done a lot, and read a lot, I would like to give you some unsolicited advice on this Father’s Day. You need a friend. And by a friend, I am not suggesting someone you might happen to like a great deal and enjoy doing things with. I am suggesting someone who can be good for you. I would like to be that friend to you, and I think I can be the best friend you have ever had.
Before you laugh at me, hear me out. I am not offering myself to you like someone you should consider liking more than anyone else you know. I don’t have that great a personality. But I can still be your best friend if you will let me. Let me first tell you what I mean by best friend. A friend is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as “a person on the same side in a struggle, an ally, a supporter.”[5] I offer myself to you like that kind of friend, because my calling as a minister of the Gospel is a vocation that can only be properly discharged by seeking to help you spiritually. However, more than that, I offer myself to you as your best friend, with the word best described in Webster’s Dictionary as “surpassing all others.”[6]
Before proceeding any farther, I need to point out that as I speak of myself, I refer not to myself only, but to Gospel ministers like me. I am not a unique individual. I am very ordinary. But God has called me and others like me to serve Him by being the best friend a father can ever have. Let me describe how I can do that with you and for you, if you will let me:
First, WITH RESPECT TO YOUR MANLINESS
Most guys suppose that being a real man has something to do with how big you are, how strong you are, and how many guys you can whip in a fight. Gang bangers have that mentality. And many in uniform and civilian life think of manliness in those terms.
However, if that be true, why did the Apostle Paul urge the men and women in the Corinthian congregation, “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong,” in First Corinthians 16.13? Paul, inspired by the Holy Spirit of God, recognized that manliness is not confined to one sex, and is not a necessarily masculine characteristic.
Who among your current crop of friends even knows that? Who among your current crop of friends has any idea what real manliness is? And it is not wrapped up in how big you are, how strong you are, and how tough you are. I am persuaded by God’s Word that manliness is wrapped up in character and the determination to do right and to display what I call moral courage.
A couple of examples: My maternal grandfather dropped out of school before third grade to support his mother and siblings when it became clear to him that his worthless father would make babies, but would not do right by them. What a man he was. My uncle was captured by the Japanese at Corregidor and along with another prisoner of war saved countless lives inside the prison camps at risk of his own life. What a man he was. Then there is Hans, and Norm, and Larry. Do you think those guys are not manly? I so admire them.
If you are a guy without moral courage, you are not manly. If you are not willing to live your life for the benefit of others, you are not manly. I speak not of any type of Rambo. Those men I mentioned did not become the way they are by themselves. God used Gospel ministers to teach them, train them, challenge them, and exhort them to become the kind of men they came to be, and the kind of man you can become.
A guy useful to God to work those kinds of results in your life is a friend you need to have. I would be honored to be that kind of friend to you.
Next, WITH RESPECT TO YOUR MARRIAGE
In the beginning in God’s plan for mankind marriage was a natural fit between a husband and a wife, a leader and a follower, an incomplete individual and the one designed by God to complete him, a person with an assignment from God and the person provided by God to help him pursue his assignment. But that was before sin, with its selfishness, its self-centeredness, and its cancerous effect of separating people and creating division.
Marriage is still God’s plan for many men in the human race, but there is no longer a natural fit between a husband and a wife. Sin has made marriage a difficult challenge. There is no longer a self-evident leader and an equally self-evident follower. There is still an incomplete individual, but now there is blindness among men about a man’s incompleteness and growing discontent among wives to the challenge of completing their husbands. And there is a reluctance to admit to an assignment by God of the husband and a corresponding awareness by wives to being assigned by God to help her mate complete his assignment.
How is a man supposed to conduct marriage? Do you just handle situations as they arise as best you can, or by doing what you think seems right? Remember Proverbs 14.12 and 16.25:
“There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”
Tell me you didn’t decide to get married without having any real idea of how actually to do marriage. That would make you just like every other husband, which explains a great deal.
As well, remember the advice given to King Lemuel by his mother in Proverbs 31.3. She said,
“Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.”
Modern day feminists look upon this verse as patriarchal and outmoded, as supposedly a mandate to mistreat women. But is that really what this verse means? Remember, his mother spoke these words to him. There is nothing in this verse that obviates treating your wife like a queen, so long as you do not unwisely conduct yourself in a way that will eventually destroy both you and your marriage.
Who do you think knows more about cutting hair, you or your barber? Who do you think knows more about horses, a rich man who owns several or a jockey who rides five or six thoroughbreds a day? Who do you think knows more about hernias, a man who once had a hernia or a surgeon who has surgically repaired a thousand hernias? Who knows more about cavities, someone with a toothache or a dentist who deals with cavities for a living?
The point that I seek to make is that you have personal experience with how many marriages? One? Two? And how familiar are you with the marriage handbook? I speak, of course, of the Bible. Have you considered the likelihood that someone who has spent his life studying the marriage handbook, and who has counseled hundreds of couples about marital issues, might be more helpful to you as a husband than you might have imagined? It could be that a Gospel minister is already the best friend you have ever had since without his advice, your wife might have gotten fed up and left you by now.
Third, WITH RESPECT TO YOUR SON
Some dads think their job is to teach their sons how to hunt, how to fish, how to shoot firearms, how to ride horses, how to camp out and survive in the wilderness, and how to defend themselves against bullies. But may I remind you that Ernest Hemingway’s father did all that with him, only to produce a very famous son who was married four or five times, was a drunkard, and who committed suicide?
Don’t get me wrong. All those things Ernest Hemingway’s dad did with him growing up were wonderful things a dad can do with his son. But there are two terrible mistakes of omission made by men who reduce fatherhood to those kinds of activities: First, none of those kinds of activities have any impact on the character of a child. You can become the most successful survivalist in the world and still have no idea how to treat other people, how to live harmoniously with others, how to conduct yourself in a family, or how to be a father to your children. Next, none of those kinds of activities prepare a child for eternity. Are you content with your child growing up to be a woodsman and then dying and going to Hell? Or being able to live in the wild off the land as he fathers children by different women he never married or ended up being divorce three times?
The Bible teaches that a dad’s goal for his child should be for that child to walk worthy of God.[7] This is accomplished by dads whose lives are seen by their children to be holy before God, just before them, and unblameable before others.[8] And it is the Gospel minister’s calling to exhort and comfort and charge you to be that kind of father.[9]
Is that your goal for your son? Did your dad tell you that ought to be your goal for your son? Did any of your friends challenge you to establish that goal for your son? Don’t you think the person who can help you stay married, help you be a good husband, and help you raise your son ought to be your best friend? What other kind of friend would you want? The guy you might like is typically not the guy who can help you husband your wife and father your son.
Fourth, WITH RESPECT TO YOUR DAUGHTER
Are you among those few of us left who recognize that boys are different from girls? Good. Do you also acknowledge that God’s plan for girls growing to womanhood is somewhat different than His plan for boys growing to manhood? That means, there are some differences concerning how boys are to be raised and how girls are to be raised. Do you know what those differences are? Don’t you think you should know what those differences are?
There are two glaring problems with many fathers these days related to raising their daughters: On the one hand, many fathers seem to be unaware that God’s plan for raising sons is to raise them to be leaders of their wives and God’s plan for raising daughters is to raise them to be followers of their husbands. This is not to say that females cannot become great leaders. After all, West Point Military Academy trained their leaders for more than 200 years by training them to be followers. You learn how to lead by learning how to follow. On the other hand, there are fathers who feel so comfortable with sons and find girls and femininity so foreign, that they abandon the rearing of their daughters exclusively to their wives. That is a terrible mistake. Girls need their dads while growing up as much as boys do. And as a mom cannot raise her son to be a man, so it is that a dad needs to recognize that he is the best parent to teach his daughter how to relate to the most important man in her life. That first important man will be her dad, and the second important man will be her future husband. Important also to recognize is the craving for affection that is very common with daughters. Many daughters who are starved for affection from their dads will satisfy that appetite for affection with the attention of a boyfriend. Therefore, how intelligent is it to both starve your daughter of the affection and attention she needs from you, while at the same time encouraging her to dress and present herself provocatively to boys? I don’t think that is wise at all.
There are a couple of other things a dad’s best friend can teach him about raising children (if his best friend is a Gospel minister), and apply to both sons and daughters: First, there is this matter of honor. Exodus 20.12, Leviticus 19.3, Deuteronomy 5.16, Matthew 15.4 and 19.19, Mark 7.10 and 10.19, Luke 18.20, and Ephesians 6.2 show God’s insistence that children honor their father. Proverbs 22.6 declares the importance is training them to do so. So many fathers are unaware that no child will honor him who is not trained to honor him, and who is not corrected when there is a failure to honor him. And what is honor? To treat with respect and courtesy as an adult and to explicitly obey as a child. How many of a guy’s buddies will help him out with such things?
I’ve never seen it happen. Then, there is the matter of leadership. Dad, you are to lead your child. You are never to follow your child. Some dads think they will hold on to their straying children by following their child’s lead. This never works. I have observed it at close hand many times. You cannot lead by following, and as soon as you follow, you have stopped leading. You cannot control whether your children will follow you or not as they get older, but to attempt to lead them by following them is utter folly. Sadly, I see fathers making this mistake all too often. At its saddest, it is a father being controlled by his child’s crying. When a dad allows his child’s tears to control him, he has given over to his kid the power to veto his leadership. Not at all good.
Don’t you think someone who will help you to avoid those types of errors as a dad is a friend you need to have? What is worse than a dad raising his kids to dishonor him, except perhaps a dad who doesn’t know to lead and doesn’t raise his kids to know what leadership ought to look like?
Finally, WITH RESPECT TO YOUR ETERNAL DESTINY
I have had many, many friends over the years. But I recall no one ever encouraging me back in the day to turn from my wicked and selfish ways to Christ for the forgiveness of all my sins. I would think that anyone who throws me a lifeline to escape the wrath of God is a friend indeed and to that point in my life, my very best friend. I just never had one of those friends. Have you?
But the real goal of a best friend is to introduce you to an even better friend. Think about that. Would not a good friend be a good enough friend to introduce you to an even better friend? Of course. So, in that respect, I want to be your best friend. But I only want to be your best friend for a short time. I just want to be your best friend until I can introduce you to my Savior, who will be your best friend for eternity.
Let me read three verses from the wisdom of Proverbs about friendship, the three verses being allusions to the Lord Jesus Christ:
Proverbs 17.17:
“A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
Proverbs 18.24:
“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
Proverbs 27.6:
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
Particularly verse 24, “and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother,” reminds every Christian of the Lord Jesus Christ.
Let me now read John 15.13-15, words spoken by the Lord Jesus Christ:
13 Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.
14 Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you.
15 Henceforth I call you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what his lord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you.
My opinion is that the single biggest obstacle in a man’s life is fear. I think the fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of shame, fear of ridicule, and such things as that cause so many men to refuse the help of a friend who would bring you to the best Friend a man can have. I can only tell you that I am no one to fear, and the last thing I want for you is for your fears to be realized.
But there are far worse things in store for you than what you fear, Dad. Divorce is worse than embarrassment. A pregnant daughter is worse than shame. A son who wants nothing to do with you is worse than ridicule. And eternal torment in the lake of fire is worse than anything.
Notice that I contrasted events with feelings. A divorce is a tragic event that is worse than any feeling associated with divorce because of the damage it causes. So, too, is a pregnant daughter worse than shame. Shame is a feeling, but a child born out of wedlock to an unprepared woman is a forever-altered life for the young mom and the possibility of a fatherless home for her child. Both are worse than feelings because they are facts.
I could go on, but my point is that no man should ever avoid a feeling while doing nothing about an unavoidable fact. Marriages do end. Fathering a son and a daughter does affect their lives forever. And when you die your fate is sealed. Please, do not allow an anticipated feeling to prevent you from taking care of matters a man, a father, needs to take care of.
Insofar as is humanly possible, I will do my best to shield you from embarrassment, shame, humiliation, and all the other things a friend protects his friends from. But more importantly, I will as a friend do my best to help you be the man, the husband, and the father that God wants you to be and that Christ can enable you to be.
But the move has to be made by you. You reach out to me, and I will try to be your best friend until I can introduce you to a better Friend. My goals for you as a dad? To be manly, to be a good husband, to be a wonderful father, and to be a Christian destined for heaven and not Hellfire.
Do you have a better friend? A friend who doesn’t mooch off you? A friend who causes your wife to worry when you are with him? A friend who is a lousy dad and will be glad to help you be a lousy dad? Choose your friends wisely, Dad.
My recommendation is that you choose a friend who wants to introduce you to an even better Friend.
__________
[1] Genesis 5.5
[2] Genesis 2.17; 3.1-24; Romans 5.12
[3] Exodus 20.12; Deuteronomy 6.4ff; Proverbs 1.8ff
[4] 1 Corinthians 16;13; Galatians 5.1; Philippians 1.27; 4.1; 1 Thessalonians 3.8; 2 Thessalonians 2.15
[5] Webster’s New Universal Unabridged Dictionary, (New York: Barnes & Noble Books, 1996), page 733.
[6] Ibid., page 176.
[7] 1 Thessalonians 2.12
[8] 1 Thessalonians 2.10
[9] 1 Thessalonians 2.11
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