Calvary Road Baptist Church


Proposition # 7

“Consider no woman for marriage who does not love your God,
embrace your Savior, and like your pastor.”

Second Corinthians 6.15


Some years back, when I was at my first pastorate, a guy in the church I pastored left the church and the town we lived in to work a job elsewhere. When I dropped by her office to see how his wife and kids were doing in his absence, his wife very pointedly commented how impressive her husband had begun to behave during his brief visits home after his prolonged absence. She went on to describe how masculine he had become, how “take charge” he conducted himself, and then she added, “I think my husband’s behavior has improved because he is no longer under your ministry, pastor.” I answered her, “I sure hope you are right, because the alternative explanation would be that his marked improvement was the result of not being around you.”

Sadly, when circumstances brought them together again, it became very obvious that his issues were far more related to his wife’s influence on him than his pastor’s influence on him, with her going so far as to threaten to leave him if he did not permanently remove himself from the church I pastored.

That and many other examples I could cite to you are reasons for this evening’s message, and the seventh proposition:


“Consider no woman for marriage who does not love your God, embrace your Savior, and like your pastor.”




What kind of man would entertain any delusions about marrying a woman who did not love his God? After all, love of God is the first and greatest commandment. Matthew 22.37-38: “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

Consider what happens when a man marries a woman. According to Moses, two people actually become one flesh when they marry. Genesis 2.24 reads, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” As well, the very first description of the relationship that is supposed to exist between a husband and his wife, found in Genesis 2.18, where Moses records the words spoken by the LORD God: “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Therefore, when a man marries a woman, they two individuals become a unity of flesh in some way, with the wife in the relationship occupying a supporting role, and helping role. That woman’s responsibility in the functional hierarchy that is established when a man and a woman marry is to help that man.

How is that possible when a Christian man marries a woman who is not a Christian? How is it that a believer who is labeled in the Bible as a friend of God marries a woman who by virtue of her lost condition is labeled by the Apostle Paul an enemy of God and anything other than disaster takes place as a result? How can a man traveling to New York from Los Angeles lay over in Chicago and meet a woman laying over in Chicago, but who is traveling from New York to Los Angeles, think it will not be ruinous for the two of them to marry and continue their journey in opposite directions together as companions? Clearly, something has to give, someone has to yield, and one of them will compromise. Any guesses as to who it will be?

I know there are some foolish boys who think they can handle the chemistry of being a Christian who is physically attracted to an unsaved woman, assuring themselves that nothing bad will come of it, but anyone who thinks like that can only be a boy (no matter his age). After all, keep in mind what happened to the man with the most experience with women of any many who ever lived, Solomon. We are told in First Kings 3.3, when Solomon first became king and was still a young man, “And Solomon loved the LORD, walking in the statutes of David his father.” Solomon was a most impressive fellow, according to First Kings 4.30: “And Solomon’s wisdom excelled the wisdom of all the children of the east country, and all the wisdom of Egypt.” However, by the time we get to First Kings 11.9-10 we see a difference:


9      And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice,

10     And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the LORD commanded.


What happened? Women. Solomon forgot what his mother tried to teach him when he was a lad: “Give not thy strength unto women, nor thy ways to that which destroyeth kings.[1] And he ignored the lessons rehearsed to him by his father. What disloyalty to even consider for marriage any woman who does not love your God. And how can you know a woman does not love your God? Easy. Does she go to church, read her Bible, pray, tithe, witness, and otherwise demonstrate the obedience to God’s will, God’s Word, and God’s church that bespeaks love? As Second John 6 declares, “And this is love, that we walk after his commandments.




When I make mention of embracing Jesus, I speak of someone whose trust is in Jesus, whose life is caught up in Jesus, who finds Jesus to be her all in all. The writer to the Hebrews described embracing Jesus in Hebrews 12.2: “Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith.” My goodness, man, how can a man marry a woman he cannot embrace with the full knowledge that they two know Jesus as the author and finisher of our faith. If she is not a believer it is not our faith! It is your faith, but not her faith!

The Apostle Paul dealt with this same issue in his second letter to the Corinthian congregation. Just about everyone who has picked up a Bible is familiar with Second Corinthians 6.14: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” The question, of course, is how do you answer Paul’s questions? What fellowship does righteousness have with unrighteousness? What communion does light have with darkness?

Then there is Second Corinthians 6.15, which is not nearly as well known, but just as troublesome for the guy who is toying with the idea of marrying a lost woman, and thinks he is somehow not on thin ice by keeping company with a lost woman: “And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?” How are these questions to be answered?

And how about Second Corinthians 6.16? “And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

As you can see, there is only one answer for the man who does not abandon his profession of being a Christian, Second Corinthians 6.17-18: “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.




To be sure, this would be described by many people as entirely self serving. However, I would like you to hear me out.

Is it not true that God’s plan for your life in marriage is for you, sir, to be the spiritual leader and your wife to follow your lead and be a help to you as you serve God? Yes, we see that in Genesis 2.18 and in First Peter 3.1, where it is written, “Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives.”

Turning to Hebrews 13.7 and 17, we read, “Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation,” and “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

Do you see a woman who claims to love God, and who pretends to embrace Jesus, but who has her teeth set on edge by your pastor really helping you serve God, or working on you to get you out of your church? After all, is it your wife’s job to come into your life and rearrange your spiritual furniture so that you become discontent with your pastor, disillusioned with your church, and looking for greener grass elsewhere? Does God work that way in a man’s life? No, He does not.

It has been my experience over the decades of my ministry that the number one problem I have with men in my ministry is a refusal to function as the spiritual leaders in their homes, and the number one problem I have with women in my ministry is an unwillingness to submit to the influences that will encourage their husbands to be the spiritual leaders in their homes. Thus, you can mark it down that when sweetie pie has an issue with your pastor, it may very well be related to her not wanting you to function as a spiritual leader in your marriage.


I will not capitulate with respect to this matter of the functional hierarchy in the home so long as I am the pastor of this church. It is God’s plan for marriage, and it is the key to raising children who are not weirded out and confused about gender roles.

The men in our church who stay and faithfully serve God will stay because they are men. The women who stay and faithfully serve God are women who truly are women who want men to be real men.

[1] Proverbs 31.3

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